I’m Too Stupid To Own This Watch

One of my best friends just retired. She stopped wearing a wristwatch. I would go insane without a watch. In fact, I am.

My watch still works, but the “thingy” that holds the strap against itself after you buckle it cracked and fell off.

A new watch band is out of the question as the watch and the band are “one.” The watch still works, I just can’t wear it. To be more exact, I could wear it, but it catches on everything and will probably fall off and land in a bad place, like the Moo Goo Gai Pan trough at the China Buffet. Or I could be rummaging around in my pile of “yet to be ironed” fabric and lose it forever. My luck, my  trusty Timex would fall off in an airport bathroom and I’d just have to wave goodbye as swirled into another dimension.

In case you can’t tell, my watch used to be purple.  It’s been through a lot. It’s an Ironman triathlon. I think that’s particularly amusing as it is obviously a “girl” watch, sized for a  woman’s wrist.

The triathlon is a misnomer too. Mall Walkers like me don’t time laps, although I could if I wanted to. Are there any Tri-Quilt-Athon watches?

I know how to operate each of the wonderful features this watch comes with. I can set it (in two time zones), change from regular to military time, make it beep (and stop it from beeping), set any or all of the three alarms, run the stopwatch, and the countdown timer.  That last option has been particularly helpful. Throw just about anything in the dryer for 10 minutes, hang it on the line, and say good-bye to wrinkles.

So yesterday I bought a replacement watch. I got a green one. I should have known better when it took the saleslady several minutes to get it out of the mini plastic display capsule.

But it was the only green one. I was willing to go with a different brand even though the icons inhabiting the top third of the watch were too small for me to see. I could make out the time and the date. Did I mention it was green? It also had a timer and stopwatch.

This morning I uncrumpled the directions and attempted to set my new watch, the ones written in type the size of gnat droppings. After a good 10 minutes I realized that Mr. Armitron and I label things differently.  I followed what I believed to be the letters A, B, C, D only to discover that they were A, D, B, C. Makes a big difference.

Just in case you wanted to see all the wonderful features, here are more of the directions. I ironed them (low setting) to get the wrinkles out and then scanned them. They are pretty close to actual size.

I spent another 26 minutes fiddling with the new watch. (I know this because I timed myelf with the old watch. ) I learned that you can ADD and hour, but you can’t subtract one. There’s only ONE alarm. Switching to the second time zone requires pushing more than one button. And I still can’t read the top third of the watch! But that’s OK because the watch is 3 hours and 42 minutes fast. (I couldn’t figure out how to set it either.)

So, today I’m going back to the store, receipt in hand to return it. I’m too stupid to own this watch. I am not too stupid to get it back in the original container, which took some doing, but I have 17 minutes to take care of the transaction. That’s when the watch will start beeping again.

But it’s OK. I fixed my old watch.
 

 

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73 thoughts on “I’m Too Stupid To Own This Watch

  1. Ami! One wonders just who this watch was designed for!! As for your old watch, it is certainly a keeper … The problem with the strap is its keeper is gone! I applaude you for solving the problem with the blue twistee. I have a box of pink twistees that, I think, will enhance the purpleness of the watch.
    Will you be at the International Quilt Show in West Palm Beach, FL this fall? If not, is there an address to which I can mail the pink twistee to you.

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  2. Ami–I think we must be twins separated at birth. I can’t figure out my watch either. Hubby and his twin brother (for real, identical twin) thought it was just me, so they spent hours “working” on it. It was small consolation that they couldn’t set it either, but they did make it beep at 4:23PM. Now, that was NOT what I considered an improvement to being one hour off after the end of daylight savings time.

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  3. You could do what my mom used to do… as she got more sick in her later years, it hurt to wear her watch, so she used a diaper pin and pinned it to her bra strap. When she wanted to know the time, she just flipped it up where she could see it, and voila! There’s the time. Just another option… I’m just sayin…

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  4. Brilliant solution to your watch thingy! I presume you know you can (in most cases) purchase new bands?

    You are not too stupid – the engineering geeks who design the watch have no common sense at all! Do they think we ALL want to be frustrated by the technie stuff? Do they not realize that chances are, a watch made for a woman could possibly be geared towards what a woman wants? Frankly, I’m taking my hat off to you, for figuring out the details of your present watch. What a woman!!!

    P.S. – I think you will be teaching at our Guild out here in Western Nebraska in 2010 or 2011. 8-)) (Panhandle Quilt Guild)

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  5. My condolences for your watch- hopefully you can find something more worthy of your humor and intelligence soon…..very soon-

    I have an original snoopy watch you can borrow- till then,
    Shall I put it in the mail?? I think woodstock is on the second hand- it doesnt beep- you cant set it for two time zones…..or anything like that oh yeah it doesnt work so it will be right twice a day….no need to wind it- but it will make you smile and the band is still all there…

    what time did you say it was?

    Peg

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  6. Loved the write-up about the watches…I almost deleted
    the e-mail…I was not familiar with the “no-reply” address.

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    1. That’s exactly what I was going to suggest. I have a watch my husband gave me for Christmas the first year we were married. Every time the band wears out, I trot down to the jewelry store, watch in hand, and get a replacement band. Cheaper (and less frustrating) than a new watch too!

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  7. Ami, Buy a really cheap watch. TAke off the keeper and put it on your old watch. Donate the new one and everyone wins!

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  8. There are places where you can get new watch bands. Or you can do what I did and get a watch that only tells the time. :D

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  9. Ami,

    A watch that perfect deserves a second chance! With your imagination, I know you can come to a better resolution than replacement with an inferior model.

    What about macrame with a small cord, interlaced with elastic cord to eliminate buckles?

    What about a jeweler who can attach a Spidel ‘twisto-flex’ band’?

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    1. p.s. I just looked at the last picture again…Unless your wrist changes size, why not just cut off all that extra band? Just don’t use your good fabric scissors ;-)

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  10. I agree with Karolyn. Why not just get a new band? The new Timex’s can’t keep time worth a flip, so if you can change the band, go for it!

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  11. I have a favorite watch that I bought 15 yrs. ago and I can’t give it up. When the dreaded thingy that holds the end of the band breaks I go to a nice jewelry store and buy a new one, they install it in a couple of minutes. The last time I even tried to glue that little thing, worked for about a day. My watch is on its 4th or 5th band and runs like a charm.

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  12. Well, you’ve already received a suggestion to just replace the band (I did this all the time back when I wore watches (before I retired) but if you love that band too much to let it go, use a small rubber band (wrapped several time so it will work right). You could even get creative and spend a couple of dollars on a packed of those Silly Bandz that come in COLORS! and different shapes.

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  13. I love that you go through life with a perspective most people don’t “get”. Thanks for sharing — you certainly brightened my day!

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  14. Been there, done that. why do they make the instructions so incredibly small anyway……like you might be able to understand them in the first place!

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  15. Have you thought about buying a new strap? Most are under $10 at a local drug store … or even go to your jeweler and he’ll even put it on for you. I get what you’re saying about the new watch. Old is better.

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  16. YOU are not too stupid – I (that should be in bold) am the one who is too stupid. I have one of those watches, sounds (I couldn’t get it to) almost identical. I (should be in bold) was NOT smart enough to return it a prompt fashion so it is still laying around here somewhere. Maybe I will go back and try A D B C IF I enlarge the instructions so they can be read.

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  17. We have a glucose meter that beeps 20 times every night at 10:41 for some unknown reason. Can’t figure out how to make it stop – and the directions are also micro print and our eyes are no longer able to see micro print. Play along with us every nite at 10:41 p.m. beep, beep, beep, etc…

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    1. funny.
      My son set my cell phone to ring at 6 am when we were keeping the grandchildren – to get them off to school. Well, now it rings at 6 – even though – it tells me it is off AND not always – just on weekends!

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  18. Ami – Find a friend with braces and get a few of those tiny but remarkably agonizing rubber bands that yank your teeth closer together while you try to get a good nights sleep and flick off at the most inopportune times. Slide them on your old band and use them as a replacement thing-y. Or start fresh and carry a sundial.

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  19. Well, I know what I’d do with the new watch!!! If you haven’t already (stomped on it), returning to the store immediately is the next option I’d recommend. Hopefully, you can continue using the good old watch. Twist ties work, but also, have you tried duct tape?

    If/when you do look for a new watch, I’d recommend that you go to QVC.com and search for a Timex….they have scads of them (or did when I got mine a while back). Good prices there!

    Good luck!

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  20. I am sorry about the watch. I too quit wearing one when I retired. And this is one of the silly ones that’s built into the band, so it can’t be changed.
    But onward. I like the phrase Tri-quilt-athon. I have been trying for ages to turn my sewing into an aerobic activity. Now there is a name to aspire to! I can picture T-shirts with the activities posted on the back. Maybe running with scissors, exercise bike while hand quilting…the swimming leg seems (seams?) a bit harder. Any ideas ladies?

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  21. Hi, Ami,
    I, too, have a favorite watch. Its a watch from the company that makes the Swiss Army knives. My mother gave it to me as a graduation gift when I finished nursing school. I needed military time, etc. Mom has passed on so I have a lot of sentimental attachment to the watch. I just always replace the band at one of the kiosks in the mall and that does the trick.

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  22. Can’t believe it took 6 comments before one of these smart quilters suggested a new band!! They really do work. Thanks for the smiles this Morning.

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  23. Ahhh..I can totally relate..I spent 2 years looking for a simple…no techno stuff watch that I could read without glasses,,,needed to be gold not silver..I’m just not a silver type gal…I freak when it gets lost in the house…couldn’t be me misplacing it, could it? any way good luck with the watch replacement..its kinda like the perfect fabric for that weird print you just couldn’t leave behind..you’ll know when its a “match”…take care..hugs to Madison

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  24. Ami, I am having the same problem. I golf a lot (when I am not quilting) and I sweat so much in the AZ heat that I rotted the two little loops off that hold the end of the band in place. Have you ever taken a whiff of your watchband after that happens? Not good!

    As for a new band I am waiting until summer ends and the high temperatures are gone before I travel that road. Why sweat up a new band right now.

    I was thinking perhaps you could slip one of those tiny rubberbands on your watch that kids use on their braces to hold the end of the band in place. I know it is not near as “fancy” as your blue twist tie but perhaps it could be used for special occasions. LOL

    Linda

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  25. Ami, how about a new watch band? Any store that sells watches will sell bands too. Even K Mart does, I know becaues I worked there.
    Good luck.

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  26. Ami,
    just go to your local jewelry shop and purchase a new watch band. They can install it in about 5 minutes, and you will be good to go.
    If they don’t’ have the color/size you need, there are MANY choices available, and they can order it for you….cost should be under $20! And the best part, you won’t have to “learn” a new watch :-)

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  27. I had a favorite watch that lost the same part as yours. I used a little girl’s hair rubber band where you’ve used the twist tie.

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  28. Ami,
    Just put a small rubber band on the part of the band that is missing the “keeper. Tuck the end under the rubber band – it works! I used one this way until the watch stopped working a year later. I used the tiny rubber bands my daughters use to put tiny braids in their hair.
    You can also buy a new band, but sometimes it is hard to find the correct width, besides the rubber band was free!

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  29. Use a little sticky dot of velcro on each side of your watch and you can do away with the twist tie! I am sure you can even find the velcro in GREEN!!!!

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  30. I’ve watched my husband “play” for hours with a new watch trying to get all the settings right. As the frustration would grow, I would keep thinking, “Good thing I have an old fashioned analog watch that only does one thing – keep time!”

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  31. You are hysterical!!!! I am still laughing. I have used twisties for so many things so it is nice to know I am not the only one that is sort of “out there” as they say. LOL

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  32. Could you make a little fabric tube/circle and super glue it to the band? Sorry, but the twist tie, while effective, just doesn’t cut it for me. (:-)

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  33. I quit wearing a watch all together when I adjusted to my Motorola Raz’r mobile phone three years ago. Found it self set when I changed time zones, and didn’t do the DST thing because we are in Arizona and don’t do DST. Had an accurate alarm clock and timer, etc. etc. I vowed to keep it forever.

    Then the phone made an unfortunate swim thru the entire wash cycle of my Maytag front-load washer, and the phone was kind enough to greet me by being on top of the load when I opened the door. I thought, hmm, less water than top-load machines, maybe I could dry this thingy out. I Googled “drying out wet cell phones” and got several ideas, but went with burying it in raw white rice and silica for 24 hours.

    So, 36 hours later, at the Verizon store, the salesman was kind enough to not laugh as I repeated my tale. I found another phone similar to the Raz’r (Just why did Motorola quit making that model? That was a criminally poor decision!), with similar features, equally accurate, and a wonderfully stylish fushia keypad. I asked the salesman to download my phonebook and photos, but alas! they were washed away with the laundry soil.

    So, no watch for me, but almost always, a mobile phone in a pocket. Not long ago, my daughter asked the time, and her husband and I both reached into our left pockets to get our phones at the exact same time. We laughed across the generation gap.

    I do like having no tan lines caused by watches and rings, too, and enjoy the relief of one less place for sweat to lodge under that watch band.

    Loved your piece today! Can totally relate about the microscopic printed directions and the corporate decision to not use a technical writer to clearly write the directions. That’s a person trained to read “engineer-ese” and write “ordinary-ese”.

    Maybe in the future you can find the directions on line at the corporate site?

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  34. I have the same purple watch, because I AM a runner, biathlete, triathlete and quilter. I NEVER change brands of watch, because different bands have different protocols – so I have had Timex watches forever. I don’t think this kind of watch will take a replacement band, but elastic or rubber bands or leather, or a band off another watch should work just fine. As part of my “quilterhood” I save little pieces of lace, ribbon, fabric, watchbands, luggage tags, jewelry, etc. I can look through my stash if you want….

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  35. Ami, just go back to the watch counter and buy a new band for your old watch. If you want then to change it you may have to go to a jewlery store. It’s cheap and quick to do. Maybe your husband could change it for you…

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  36. If you want to “repair” the “keeper thingy” you want to use Barge Glue. You put glue on both ends where they will touch, let it dry, put the ends together and use a hammer to bang to heck out of it to create the seal.

    or

    You can take the thingy to a shoe repair and they will repair it for you, or, make you a new one for your original band.

    As for the instructions that are incomprehensible, probably because they were written by a man…and then never tested!!

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  37. I too was going to suggest you purchase a new band, but keeping in mind that we quilter’s are “thrifty” (a polite word for cheap, or preferring things on sale) I have another idea. While a twisty seems to work well, and might start a new fashion trend, perhaps you might want to raid your junk drawer one more time and look for some of that “Blue Tac,” the wonderfully blue gummy stuff that you use to stick behind a picture frame that might be crooked, or for holding down something that you don’t want to slip such as a mouse pad or your dentures (just kidding)? Anyway, seriously, you could put a little ball of it under the extra strap flap and press it down on your band and Presto! it sticks and is repositionable. And, if you’re really “thrifty” you could use a wad of used gum instead! Ha.
    Nancy
    PS I know how creative and crafty you are Ami so I wouldn’t be surprised if new uses for Blue Tac could be a wonderful new topic for your humorous writing skills!

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  38. Thanks for a good laugh. I have a wonderful Armitron watch that has only 3 buttons on it – one for the Indiglo light, one for mode and one for set. Is REALLY easy to set and change.
    What I’d really like to know is what kind of camera do you have? You take such good picturesn – especially close-ups.

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  39. Oh dear, I can relate. I have entire drawer filled with watches that once were wonderful but the bands broke. And then the replacements that I couldn’t figure out. Last year when we were in Houston, I set one watch to Central Time and for some reason every day at 11am my alarm now sounds. Literally hours of trying to fix th eproblem through multiple attempts and users, the watch still signals its 11 am. It too know sits in the draw now with a broken band, …. the drawer of the misfit watches that beeps at 11am and on the hour (another watch).

    I wish I could find a replacement band for the watch that I could actually work. ~sigh~

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  40. It just happened to mine too, so I’ve been twisting the tail end and tucking it under the band until I give in and go get a new band for it. It’s really a good touch if you can only get a gold-buckled band to go on a silver-surrounded-face watch, but I have to have the date, second hand, large numbers and glow-in-the-dark face.

    I’m not allowed to use the twist tie solution because my husband already saw my solution for loose shorts when he did the laundry. You know the heavy-duty pull fasteners for the big black or green garbage bags? The plastic ones that lock notch by notch? I have a nice yellow one looped through the belt loops of my denim shorts and pulled taut. For some reason, he can’t stand those shorts now .

    Good luck with the watch situation!

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  41. Go to Amazon.com and look at their watches. Your old watch looks a lot like my new watch and I just got it from Amazon. You can also read the reviews before you buy it. They have a wide variety of watches to choose from. You’ll find what your looking for there.

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  42. o.k. Ami…I am with you. But I would add a couple of beads to the twistie tie.

    When I had to be on crutches a few weeks, then ace bandage, I tried the self adhesive that wrinkled and made me sweat. Took it back. Regular ace’s now come with weak stretchy things to hold it on…horrible…so I took my safety pins without the curliy ques on the end and put beads on…I felt rather cute!!!

    Hang in there. As a teacher, I took my watch off every summer; the summer after I retired in 2003 it never went back on!!!! Use my cell phone for time!!!!

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  43. Run, don’t walk to the nearest mall. They will be able to replace your watch band. I do this all the time. I have a citizen eco watch that I love and is simple and readable. Every few years it geta new band, cleaned, and loved some more.

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  44. Dear Ami,
    you are so funny and adorable. I love to read your posts. I also loved reading all the posts the people wrote to you. Thanks for good laughs! Sincerely, Margaret Lee

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  45. You can turn back time one hour, or more, with a watch.
    This works well when DST ends in the Fall. Just pull out the stop (don’t know the real name for this part) turn on a kitchen timer for 60 minutes, then push the gizmo in. This doesn’t work in the Spring.

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  46. I walked around for years with the same issue … and kept fixing it by usiing the thin blue rubber band that comes on green onions. When it gets weak or breaks just go to the vegetable drawer and get a new one. I think I quit wearing the watch when the battery quit. New bands come with two of those ‘thingy’ bands and they break immediately leaving me to the blue band fix.

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  47. Ami – go to Genesee Valley Center to the watch band kiosk near Sears, I think. My Dad lost the same thingy to his watch and would not give it up. The lovely lass working there was able to find a band to work with his watch. Dad is happy.

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  48. I love silly bandz.

    It is the pretty good post.
    I found your website perfect for my needs. thanks for sharing the great ideas.
    Thank you so much.
    And please keep bloging.

    Silly Bandz Mania

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  49. PEOPLE, pay attention! Ami SAID that the BAND IS NOT SEPARATE AND CANNOT BE REPLACED!

    Ami, have you tired EBay for a replacement just like the original? What brand is is? Show us the front. Maybe someone has one just like it tucked away in a drawer somewhere.

    I personally like the diaper pin and braces rubberband solutions. Although I use a cell phone, myself. Just don’t like having something on my wrist.

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  50. I am one of those people who normally do NOT wear a watch – or bracelets – I can’t stand the feeling on my wrists. I have taken the watch faces off of my old trust Timex from High School (almost 30 years old at this point) and made a pretty little “strap” out of grosgrain ribbon threaded through the dial at the 6 o’clock position. then when I am going out to a fair or someplace where a watch would be handy I pin the ribbon to my shirt pocket. because the watch face is “upside down” I just have to glance down and see what time it is – because it appears right side up to ME.

    I even broke down and bought a watch face that had been joined to a lovely piece of re-purposed broken china. as well. I think they use to call these Nurses watches or Nanny watches because you could check the time hands free

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  51. Been there done that with a former watch strap. I went to the hardware store and bought an O-ring that was the size I needed to fit over the strap. Worked great until the watch finally gave out.

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  52. As for those instructions in 7 languages on a piece of paper the size of a bubble gum wrapper, first thing I do is enlarge ’em on the copier or scanner.

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  53. I have the same women’s triathlon watch which has seen many 5K races but no triathlon. It also has no ‘keeper’ but I’ve replaced the broken ‘keeper’ with a pony tail wrap. Wrap it about 3 times on the watch band and it will be as good as new. The color may also match…my black band and bands work great. Or add a band to match your outfit! Happy banding!

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  54. Wind a rubberband (not too tightly) on the watch band while it is unbuckled. Then when you put the watch on you can slip the end under the rubberband.

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  55. Ohhhh this is so familiar……to date I have bought two digital watches and I’ve returned both of them because I couldn’t figure out how to set them. Neither could the clerk, in one case.

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  56. Ah, I had this problem, too. What I did was to wrap a rubber band around, as many winds as it takes, and then I would slip the end under that. This would probably work better with a stitched piece of elastic, so you won’t have to wind it.

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  57. I got a good laugh from all these “watch stories.” They reminded me of my own: Several years ago I bought a digital watch at Wal-Mart for $2.99. My mother, for years, teased me about it because I told her “I paid cash” for it. A couple of years into the watch and the battery dies. I go to Wal-Mart for a new battery. It cost over $4. I looked in the case and told the clerk, “Gimme that $2.99 watch right there.” It was cheaper to buy a new watch WITH battery than to replace the battery for the one that died. Go figure!!

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