Mutant Fruit

The cherries are here! The cherries are here! It’s really summer and I bought a big bag.

I gently wiggled my fingers around a suitable handful and carefully took them out of the bag. I ran them under cold water, plopped them in a bowl, and wouldn’t you know the first one I chose was a DOUBLE! I haven’t had a double cherry in years. It’s like finding a four-leaf clover except that you can eat it. And, frankly that whole four-leaf-clover thing is way over rated. Who has time to even LOOK for those?!

Twin cherries are like finding  a double yolk. It’s like getting the “baby” green pepper inside of the big one, or discovering an extra few mini sections of a navel orange inside the Mama orange.  FREE FOOD! 

The next blind grab into the bowl of cherries yielded ANOTHER TWIN. I called Steve over. First he was impressed that I still remembered how to forage for food at a grocery store, having given up cooking so long ago. Then he got that “she’s gone overboard again” look when I started rummaging through the rest of the bag to see how many more cherry pairs there were.

Lots. I have just about an entire bag of mutant fruit!

So I’m thinking that these have got to be genetically engineered. What’s next, triplets? In ten years will one stem hold FIVE cherries? That’s just not right. What started out as a happy thing has really got me worried.

First, while it’s fun to get twin cherries, they’re hard to wash. There’s that crevice to consider. Who knows what kind of dirt is hiding in there?

Second, I know this is a family blog, but at just the right angle I can’t help thinking that they look like little rear ends. Sorry.

Third, how are you supposed to eat them? There’s a huge controversy about the best way to eat an Oreo cookie, after all. Do you bite down as is, or twist the two cookie halves apart and scrape the frosting off with your teeth?(Top teeth or bottom teeth?!) Or do you just dunk? If double cherries are going to be the norm, we’re going to have to come up with a national plan, get those think tank guys on this. Are we supposed to risk possibly choking and pop them both in our mouths at the same time? Or are we supposed to twist them apart and eat them one at a time? Which one should I eat first, the one with the stem or the one without?

As you can see, I’ve been thinking about this a lot. And, I can tell you that after the 42nd pair the whole double thing gets old. The novelty has just about worn right off. Sadly, looking at the 82 pits in the bowl, I’m worried about something else now.


If you thought this was amusing, you’ll want to join my NEW Facebook page. I’m not sure why, but I have a Fan Page, except that it’s not called that any more. I think it’s  a “Like” page. So, if you like me here, it shouldn’t be a stretch to “like me” over there as well. I think you can get there from here.  If you don’t like me (over there) I don’t know what I’ll do. But, I suppose I’ll get by. After all, life isn’t always a bowl of cherries. (That new Facebook page again is:!/pages/Ami-Simms/104075532958422?ref=ts)

32 thoughts on “Mutant Fruit

  1. I was thinking about the consequences of eating 42 pairs of cherries in one sitting, and then I almost choked on my lunch when you mentioned it too! Too funny. Our cherry season is, sadly, almost over here in California.


  2. I live in a small town in California and our little grocery store often buys local. You get a lot of doubles there because all the singles go to the larger stores. I love doubles.


  3. My favorite cherry story is the time Number Two Son, then aged two and still wearing diapers, had his first encounter with a huge fruit-laden cherry tree belonging to some cousins. He was eating cherries with both hands, spitting one pit for every two he swallowed. He survived, but it was amazing to find all those cherry pits in his diapers for a couple of days afterwards. The machine gun effect. Ouch!
    I’ve been wondering if you remember that the Italians advise against drinking anything in proximity of a cherry binge – to avoid tummy aches. I’ve always wondered about THAT particular bit of popular wisdom.


      1. Hmmm. When I saw that first photo of the double cherries, my thoughts went to body parts, but not in the REAR!

        Anybody else?


  4. I think it’s time to be afraid – be very afraid….
    I was baking muffins last week, and I found an egg with a triple yolk! (I took a picture to prove it…)
    Serioulsy though, I still think it’s special to get doubles, even if there are 42 in one bag!


  5. From the very first picture I thought they looked like little baby bums. What does that say about me?! In “payment” for taking care of my neighbor’s kitties, she brought us cherries from Traverse City. OMG! They haven’t been THIS good in a long time. We ate them in one sitting!! She’s going back up for the Festival, but alas we’ll be on vacation, so no more for us! : (


  6. One of my spring/summer rituals is eating far too many cherries…single, double, bing, queen anne…whatever…. in a single sitting, and then having a single, double..even triple sitting dealing with the consequences. The farmer’s market here in N. CA has the last of them this week. I am always happy to see them come..and happy to have them go until next year.
    This column made me laugh out loud. Thanks for a great beginning to my day!


  7. Since our pols can’t seem to think their way out of a catastrophic oil spill, maybe they could tackle this vexing problem with more success!


  8. I went to go “Like” you on Facebook and put my “cherry butt” story under the spagetti thread. That should shake things up!
    You are just so much fun.


  9. funny…hard to believe I’d had some of those same thoughts.
    Those cherries are pretty steep in price, did you get a bargain since your’s were twins?
    Yep, I’m going to “like” you too.
    Looking forward to your next adventure.


  10. I always clean cheeries by removing the stem and soaking them in a bowl of water to which I have added a tablespoon of baking soda. Swish them around abit , let stand about 10 minutes and rinse in a colander.


  11. One year I’d bought a dozen eggs for holiday baking, and every egg had a double yolk! My mother said that was good luck. Those double cherries are cute!


  12. When we were in Hiroshima, Japan last year, we ate at a restaurant that makes this dish that I cannot say, and certainly cannot spell. As we waited to sit at the counter (you eat off of the grill) we watched the woman cooking. Every egg that she cracked was a double. We were in awe. When we sat down my daughter spoke to the woman in Japanese and asked about the double yolks for us. She said: They are from young chickens. They are not smart.” She cracked herself up and us, too. She had a picture of a triple that she had found one day. okonomenyaki (my attempt-my daughter would be appalled I am sure).


    1. She said: They are from young chickens. They are not smart.”

      Years ago when my Mom raised chickens on a small scale and sold both eggs and chickens (for “egg money”? – sorry Eleanor) the younger hens, “pullets” at first produced smaller eggs that we called “pulley eggs” then some larger than average “double yolkers”. Mom was too kind to insult even a chicken so she explained it saying they were just learning. :)


  13. You just had to make us “former Michiganders” feel really bad about missing the true Cherries from there!! Didn’t you? We get cherries here in Florida – not sure where they are from, but they definitely do not taste like the ones we had when we lived up there.

    However, we don’t shovel lots of snow from November to April, so guess that is our trade-off!!


  14. Talk about health freaks! If I worried about the dirt clinging to everything I ate, I would weigh next to nothing! There are all the strawberries I have eaten in the u-pick fields for a start.
    Washed or not, cherries are soooo good.


  15. We recently had a dozen eggs, all with double yolks too! What are the odds? And what are they feeding those chickens?

    I love cherries too, but I don’t think I’ve ever had a double – I’ll have to start paying attention and looking for one …


  16. I laughed so hard!! In Chicago, we would get the Michigan cherries and eat until we got sick. So much fun. Here in the south, we get excuses, not cherries.

    Thanks for reminding of the good old days.


  17. We have RoyalAnnes on the tree over the driveway. As yummy as they are , I am relieved when the birds and I finish them all. Then my car is no longer marked with the pits those naughty birds leave…or the other evidence that they have recently eaten fruit.


  18. mmm cherries..
    we are in the peak of blueberries down here…sad to say no doubles…but we have some of monster size…no mutants..all organic- just perfect weatehr conditions this year…

    I too can make my self sick on those cherries…I just cant find my off button when I start to eat them.

    as soon as the new computer is installed I will be onto facebook…and you MUSt get a love button..



  19. Too funny! When I get home I’ll have to send you a picture of my “Siamese summer squash” as we called it! Gotta love it!!


  20. Sadly, I didn’t get any of the double cherries over here in west Michigan this year. Season is earlier and shorter, because of the early spring and then the frost. The flavor this year is one of the best. Just finished pitting and freezing 6 lbs my sister brought me from a local orchard. saving some of that Michigan sweetness for the winter.


  21. I too, found a double cherry on July 3rd. NO luck what-so-ever!!! I popped it into my mouth (after thinking it looked like a rear too) spit out the first pit and broke a tooth in half on the second. Will begin the “crown” process tomorrow at 10:45 a.m. Next double I find, goes in the garbage.


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