I’d rather not think about toothpaste. I’ve got other more important things to ponder. While I resent the 87 different brands, flavors, additives, and claims I have to evaluate before I can throw a tube of dentifrice in the shopping cart, I am able to get over my selection angst. After that, I pretty want to brush and move on.
But I can’t. Alas, sometime when I wasn’t looking, some marketing idiot designed a new cap. The old cap wasn’t good enough. This new one has to multi-task. Like the ketchup bottles and the SoftScrub, toothpaste caps can’t just keep the contents inside the tube, they have to be able to, what, stand the tube on end? For what possible purpose? Like I have space for a toothpaste display on my bathroom counter? I think not. (Besides I tried that. After half the tube is gone, the tube falls over. Trying to get it to stand on its own is like balancing an egg on end.)
So despite every attempt NOT to think about toothpaste, there I was thinking about it. Why the cap change? I think I figured it out. All the extra stuff they put into toothpaste to keep your teeth from rotting, make them white, numb the pain from your exposed gums, prevent plaque buildup, and stop mold from growing all over your mouth, somehow changed the consistency. Or maybe they just made it thinner on purpose just so it would drip out of the tube on its own. That’s it, I’ll bet!
Try and stand the tube on end and (duh!) it exits the tube that much faster. The more spilled in the cap itself and on the bathroom counter, the faster the consumer has to buy more!
Not THIS consumer. I changed the cap!
It was a highly technical operation. Upon close examination I discovered that the bulbous, over-sized, “stand-it-up” cap could be removed! Ah HA! And under it was a threaded opening that was EXACTLY the same size as all the other tubes of toothpaste I have ever purchased. I just took the top off my travel size tube (only slightly less expensive than the suitcase I tote it around in) and used it to cap the larger tube! Perfect.
So, to re-cap (pun intended):
- The “old-fashioned” way was better.
- I am the master of my oral hygiene products.
- On a good day, I can outwit a toothpaste conglomerate.
- I now have to keep track of the old cap so that I can put it on all future toothpaste purchases.