Mom hasn’t blogged for a bit, and she’s sorry. Not sorry enough to wander over to the computer, but “sorry.” I’m not because that means I get to hoist my furry carcass up on her chair and blog instead.
Wait until she has to pick dog hair off her seat, THEN she’ll be sorry.
Mom has been working full tilt on the FindAQuiltTeacher.com web site. She came up with this great idea to get teachers’ information to people who hire them all in one place, in one format. And, big surprise, people are interested. So she’s making web pages and things called Teacher Fact Sheets. Big deal. I am still needy.
Mom likes to multi-task. Personally, I just can’t wrap my head around it. Dogs are single taskers. Accept pets. Stop. Fetch ball. Stop. Chew ball. Stop. Return ball. Stop. Accept more pets. Stop. I don’t care to be fed while being petted; I might choke on something. If you throw TWO things for me to fetch at the same time I get confused. I know my limitations and I’m OK with them.
Mom accidentally dropped a lone kibble into my water dish the other day and I felt compelled to eat it. Trouble was I had to get to it first which involved much drinking. By time I snagged the stupid thing I was so full of water I sloshed when I walked. Eating and drinking at the same time: NOT a good idea.
Today I personally witnessed Mom triple-tasking and it was ugly. I had a bath. Actually, as I am very well-behaved, I have showers. I have shared before that during a “bath” I am imprisoned behind the impenetrable plastic curtain with no way of escape and that Mom is in there with me.
Let me stress that Mom removes all of her clothing for this irritating ritual and it is pretty pasty white in there. I try not to look. I don’t much care for the partially hairless varieties of my own species. Looking at that much furless anything is almost more than my stomach can handle. I also keep my head down hoping that by doing so I render myself invisible so that the stream of water will not be able to see me and douse it’s intended victim. So far that hasn’t worked.
Mom has also run out of dog shampoo. Bath & Bodyworks Shower Gel (Cucumber Melon or Green Clover and Aloe) previously only went on my head. Today it went eveyrwhere. And Jennie, dear human sister, remember that luffa thing you left in the shower last time you were home? I’d let it be. It has seen my nether-regions, if you catch my drift. You may want to buy a new one. But I digress.
In addition to my bath and Mom’s bath, we had a third activity this morning. Mom shaved her legs. Both of them. She mentioned that she was delighted she had enough time to “do both.” (Whatever that means.)
As my job when Mom bathes is to lean against her and patiently wait until the impenetrable plastic curtain is moved to reveal the rest of our bathroom, this new shower activity kept me from doing this. It also included yet another foul smelling gel which, due to our proximity in the porcelain prison, was unavoidable. And it didn’t merely suds, it FOAMED. Major ick.
I steadfastly maintained my leaning position, which I thought would make Mom happy, but it did not. It merely caused her to flip around and face the other way for the second leg, forcing remnants of the “used” leg foam to touch my fur. I put up with a lot for this woman.
Once we were sufficiently rinsed and released into the bathroom at large I was forced to endure yet another ordeal: blow drying. The leg thing set Mom back a few minutes so she set the dryer to HIGH. Still the massage felt nice and she probably did that to make me forget I was so odoriferously inconvenienced.
I have now licked myself all over in an attempt to return my rightful dog stink to all of my fur. Several more licking sessions and I shall be back to normal in about a month.
Until then, I remain, embarassinlgy yours,
Madison
Through The Eyes Of A Quilter 
Ami, you’re a hoot! I so enjoy your blog! Oh, er, excuse me, Madison’s blog.
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I can’t begin to tell you how much I enjoy you Madison and you too Ami. Thank you for sharing Madison with us. Oh yea, Thank you Madison for sharing your mom with us.
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Madison, you have to feel lucky that she didn’t shave YOUR legs too!
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Madison, your made my day. I love to start with a smile on my face and a laugh in my voice. Today I got both from your blog.
You have a terrific sense of humor and sometimes it almost sounds like your Mom is writing instead of you. But I know that you are writing cause Mom would not use a word like nether-regions.
Hang in there and keep us up to date on your doings.
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Madison…don’t let your mom see this, but next time you go outside, look for something dead to roll in. Our mom PAYS someone to make us stinky and that rolling thing always works for us. Oh, a live skunk works too. ( guess how we know???) Lady and Buddy
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I love your blog Ami (Madison’s) blog. So funny and descriptive.
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Oh, Madison (and Ami) what a delightful story! It made me laugh, and I needed that. I had to say goodbye this week to our 19-year old cat. The time had come, but it’s been a lonely week without her. But we still have one more cat and a dog, so we’re doing good. Thanks again for putting a smile on my face today.
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Madison, would you pleaseeee come help out my dogs – let them know the shower/bath thing is not so bad?
Our mixed Lab, Sandy, is like you, very stoic about it all, once we get every last claw unhooked from the door jamb going into that loud wet tiled room and get her into the tub. She really seems to enjoy the blow dry part, maybe because it comes with treats?
Our very large ~6 or 7 year-old male Dalmatian, Sam, though…
I’d never had or even met a Dalmatian before we adopted this wonderful pair of “death row” dogs together almost 2 years ago. The people we meet have explained that Sam’s calm, biddable manner is very unusual for a Dal. Sandy uses his manner and coloring to lure people in so she can go over and wiggle her way under the petting hands. She’s good at using her big, brown eyes to make them feel guilty for not noticing her, too.
Anyway, he’s calm about everything but baths. He goes from being a very large, hairy, smelly, decorative, easygoing baby, to a shivering, terrified tiny ball of mostly white fur and lots of pink skin curled in a ball at the bottom of the tub, even though we got a hand-held shower attachment just so the falling water wouldn’t be so scary. Don’t let him know I told, but he’s even had “accidents” in there… It’s really hard to get him cleaned up when he’s tucked himself into a ball the size of a couch pillow.
We’ve tried all kinds of ways to try to help him – treats, having Sandy with him, having both of us, Mom and Dad, with him (wasn’t THAT was a hazard!), but nothing is working. I’d get him some of your Mom’s shower gel stuff if you think it would work?
Maybe if you come over and talk him through it a few times? I do have to warn you though – our black mixed Lab usually comes out of bath day somehow covered in massively shed white Dal fur as he dries and fluffs. It would just mean you’d need to bring your brush so I could groom it all out afterwards. No blow drying, unless you want some.
Please think about it. I know you must be sick of the snow, and we’ve got lovely green fields here with tons and tons of squirrels, and even some foxes.
Give Mom a tail wag and a lick from us here GA,
Chris, Sam and Sandy
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What joy U bring to my life! I do so look forward to your e-mails! I try to send U ones about “cute” animals as they also bring such joy to our lives. Thank U – Kay
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Oh Madison, I can so commiserate! My Mom takes me into the shower with her too. We have glass doors so I can see out to where its dry but she insists on closing it tight and I have to stay inside, even when I am clean and smell like Mango tango dog soap while Mom washes her hair or shaves her legs. But I do not like the dryer so Mom just rubs me down good with my special towels( why are they all holey do you suppose?). I”m a bulldog and my name is Spike, I think that sounds way to tough to have to have all these baths!
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You and Madison always bring a smile to my face. Thank you for that. I always so enjoy reading your blog.
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Oh Madison, I can empathise with you… MY Mama used to take the kitty before me into the room that rains all the time. She’d just sling Mouse over her shoulder and in they’d go. Mouse got washed in smelly shampoo, and rinsed … other times they’d go into the swimming pool (and shower after to get rid of the chlorine). I have informed her in no uncertain terms that cats do not need baths, nor will I humiliate myself by allowing such behaviour . Of course we now have a stupid man-cat, so not sure what his opinions will be. I have a blog too … http://www.xanga.com/misty_whispurrs. And my own signature label line of kritter kwilts! Purrrrrrrrrrrs, Misty Whispurrs
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Madison, you are the best story teller! You had me smiling at the computer this morning. Your shower sounded like a blast, but glad you don’t have to go through it often. We, on the other hand, NEVER have to get in the shower with our mom. We HATE water, unless its in the sink and has lots of bubbles! We can handle the bathing very well all by ourselves. We agree with Deborah Kloss, that you should be happy she didn’t shave your legs too!
Love from Elmo, Princess, Bear, Misty, Millie & Maggie
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Hi Madison,
Thanks to you I now have to endure the “shower” bath too. Mom even found a special sprayer that is made for us. I do feel sorry for you having to be in that plastic thing. Mom puts me and her in one that is glass on three sides. I put my nose right against the glass. That way I pretend that I’m out of there and in a better place, like chasing squirrelies.
Your Golden friend, Feather
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Thanks for brightening me day! Best to you and your mom, you’re a great comic duo!
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Madison,
You are lucky! My people had the nerve to send me to dog jail this week while they went skiing in Wyoming! They called it “puppy camp” but it was a cage with a run with a view.
I am so glad to get home. I let my mom brush me for 20 minutes and let her have some of my fur. Needless to say I have lots more and plan to drop it on the carpet in revenge!
My mom says to tell your mom that she saw some of those dumb faucets that don’t move and block the middle of the sink. You have to wrench your head sideways to brush your teeth and empty your mouth!
So be glad you are with your people!
Spencer the Newfoundland in NC
Chris is my mom
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Madison, Thanks for nothing. Your blog reminded our mom to bathe us. She squirts us with the hose outside, then puts smelly stuff on us then squirts us again. That is so embarrassing; at least you get to take your bath inside where the neighbors don’t laugh at you. I know you live where it is cold and you’d freeze into a pupsicle if you had a bath outside while we are in Florida where it’s pretty warm today. But a public bath is not a good thing.
Razzle, Kitt, Pumpkin and Stanyan
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Madison-could you please teach my 2 four-legged members of my family to be so good in the shower? One of them is afraid of the water! I love reading about your life-I am so glad that mom leaves the computer on for you. Because as The New Yorker cartoon of the 2 dogs at the computer: On the Internet, noone knows you’re a dog!
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LOL!!! Thanks, Madison, for that wonderful diversion! You are DA DOG!!!
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I absolutely love it when Madison blogs!!! Makes me laugh big belly laughs and look at my two furbabies in a whole new way! Wish they were as well-behaved as Madison in the bath. Oh well!
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Dear Madison…thanks for your comments. My Mom has never done such a thing to me, thank goodness, as she takes me to a doggy-wash. I am a 70 lb. pitbull mix and would not treasure such an experience. I can’t get my paw around this multi-tasking thing your Mom does either….but then who can ever figure out those bipeds. They are sweet, but ‘different’….if you know what I mean. Take care!
Your new Oregon friend, Genny
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Hi Madison, We aren’t as literate as you are so we are dictating this to our Mom. She left us all day for a quilting group thingy and but we did get some left over hamburger soup…no baths for us today..we suggest rolling in grass it will get you back to that beautuful scent in no time. Take care…write again soon! Your 4-footed friends from CA…
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Madison – I absolutely love your additions to the blog. We lost our little dog last year and I like to re-live him through your musings. Thanks for sharing your Mom with us. We love you both. Thanks again.
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Madison,
Miss Angel can sympathize mightily with you, even though she is a black and white cat… she got brushed for over an hour and then showered with mom today and she’s still licking her fur … What you dear sweet animals endure for we goofy humans.
What a giggle you gave me (and Angel by proxy)
Lickingly yours!!
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Dear Madison,
Please kindly remind our mother to buy me a new loofah for the shower, as you can keep the one that has visited your nether regions.
Love,
Your sister (Jennie)
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Madison, you are such a good boy. Your mom is lucky to have you. I’m so glad that she leaves her computer for you to use. Your blogs always make my day. Thanks for all the great comments.
Rosemarie
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Oh, Madison, you are such a patient, good doggy. Tell your Mommy she needs to add spew alerts to your posts! She’ll know what that means. Caren
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Hi, Madison,
My name is Zeke; my brother is Adam. Our kitty is Erin. My mom doesn’t give us baths because my Dad used to but he’s in Heaven now and Mom doesn’t want to get into all that. I am so happy she doesn’t want to bathe us; I don’t think Dad ever gave Erin a bath. She doesn’t seem to want to do that. He always did us one at a time in the sink that is in the laundry room. Closing the door helped. We both liked it but would never let him know.
Thank you for your wonderful blog.
The Rat Terriers, Zeke and Adam
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Dear Madison: thank you for telling us the story of bathday. You are such a good fur person to take your shower so stoically. My little teacup poodle was never so gracious about baths. She would flop all over the bathtub and cuss under her breath very unfemininely all the while she was being bathed, and whoever was doing the job ended up as wet as she was. I would end up on the floor laughing holding the towel to dry her off as my husband bathed her. Wish we had thought of doing it in the nude – it would not have been very pretty but would have saved a lot of extra work and maybe the sight would have stunned her so badly she would have forgotten to thrash around!!! You’re right, though. After a certain time we hairless people are not nearly as attractive as most of you fur people. We look like shar peis but not as cute. Thanks for brightening my day. Please sneak into the computer more often. I’ll be watching for your blogs. I miss my Misty very much. She was 18 years old when she died and she left a big hole in my heart. Thanks for the memories.
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