Nose Rings (June 1998)

I went in to pick up an order of pizza the other night and there at the counter in front of me was a young woman with a pierced nose. Not on the side of her nose, right in the middle. And she had a big hoop earring (nose ring?) hanging there between her nostrils, swaying back and forth. It was as thick as a doorknocker. Now, I donít know too many people with nose rings. In fact, I could probably count the number of friends of mine with pierced noses on the fingers of one hand. If I made a fist. Thatís it. Zero friends with nose rings. Nada. Zilch.

I know Iím going to hear from all you quilters out there with pierced noses, but Iím going to take a stand here. I think nose rings are stupid. Having said that, allow me to qualify: Indian women wearing silk saris look just fine wearing a little diamond on the sides of their noses. Teen-age girls with hoop earrings stuck through their noses getting pizza look stupid. How does this happen? Do people wake up one morning and decide they want to look like a bull?

It pains me to see people mutilating their bodies in this way. I have an overwhelming urge to stare and since Iím far too well brought up to do anything more than glimpse, I have to resort to looking out of the corner of my eye. And that gives me a headache.

On the bright side, I guess there are practical considerations. Why, if I had a nose ring I could.... Tie dental floss around it and floss my teeth with only one hand. Hang paper clips and rubber bands from it to reduce desk clutter in my office. Slip the end of my dogís leash through it and walk my dog hands free. Use it to dry pantyhose instead of the shower rod. Store tissues in it during weddings and funerals in case I start to cry.

Nose rings actually make a great quilting aid. Itís the perfect place to hang a small pair of Ginghers. Just slide the point through the hoop. The handles would be too big to pass through and will keep them ever at the ready. Makes cutting the thread and then licking it before you aim it at the needle so much easier. Not all that wasted arm movement. For hand applique slide small spools of thread onto your nose ring for a handy assortment. Simply knock your head back to flip up the nose ring, then select the appropriate color thread and pull to unspool. Finally, nose rings are the perfect tools for machine quilting. Use it as a thread guide. Just pass the nylon thread through your nose ring right after it goes through the take-up lever. Most of us sew with our heads bent over the machine anyway!

Come to think of it all quilters should get their noses pierced and wear a hoop earring between their nostrils. We could put little miniature quilts in the miniature hoops! Wouldnít that be a hit at the next quilt show?! (c) 1998 by Ami Simms.