New Phones (May 1997)

(After the local book store went out of business, I was inspired to go shopping....)

One of the miscellaneous treasures I found at the fixture sale at Young & Welshans was two sets of headphones. They have an earpiece and a microphone, and a thing that goes over your head. And a long cord. Well, we've got those now. Way cool. I can type and talk, or quilt and talk, or just talk, all without having to hold the telephone receiver next to my ear. They plug right into the phone, like the ones telemarketers wear. I think Madonna has one. I'm typing with mine on right now. If someone was to call, I could keep typing and talk. Except that they could probably hear the keys clicking and that might be rude. But I COULD if I wanted to. This was a smart buy too. Except for the fact that while the sound quality is improved, and my posture is better, and my neck doesn't hurt as much, they're a little hard to get used to. First of all, you can't eat with them on. I noticed this right off when I attempted to pop a Twinkie in my mouth and impaled it on the microphone. I can only get small stuff in if I remember to insert it at an angle under the microphone, otherwise I knock the headset right off my noggin.

Finger licking is really hard to do too since the microphone has to sit just out of lip reach. Stick a finger in your mouth and it knocks everything cock- eyed. I had no idea how often, during the course of the day, that I lick my fingers. Eating, page-turning, fabric-adjusting, licking envelopes---these all require licking. Amazing. Thanks to my new headset I am learning to curb this annoying habit.

The cord is a bit irritating too. I feel like I'm on a leash. A couple steps to the left or right of the phone and I'm at my limit. It's shorter if I have the wire accidentally caught in the drawer of the filing cabinet. Sometimes I forget I have the silly thing on, jump up to go get something and get a rude reminder as it flies off my head taking my right ear with it. I'm still in training. (c)1997 by Ami Simms.